26 January 2010

Letter to... heaven.

I think, i'm in love.
Not with someone, not with something, but myself.
Yes, i'm in love with myself right now. I love everything happens in my life, i love everyone who stays beside me and keeping me happy. I love every single possibility that would make me grow up. Not only for those whom make me happy, but also for them which make me angry and.. Hurt me.

It isn't easy to live my life without you. You told me about being nice to other people. You've always been my hero. Those days, months, years, you kept me there beside you. When something bad happened to me, you hugged me and told me that everything's gonna be fine. And started from there, i knew that i would always be safe if i'm with you.

Never realized that it would be a time called 'me without you'. Never thought that i had to be independent. Stand with my own feet, think with my own mind, and take care of myself.

Been very hard since you've 'walked away' from me, from my side. I missed you. I needed you. I shouted your name everytime i got in a problem. I cried everytime i got very angry and sad, and there's no YOU to hug me and tell me that everything will be okay.

Oh, shit. I'm crying again. It's been 2 years and few months but i still keep you here, in my heart. I've ever found someone few months ago, but in fact he's not more than other jerks out there. He left me without any explanation. He abandoned me. And yes, for the 2nd time, i have to survive here, all alone. Yeah, he sucks.

Well, i miss you, Dud. I can't deny it anymore. I let myself feel all the things in front of me right now. I let myself cry for missing you. I let myself laugh for thinking of our moments. And not but not least, i hope "you're doing all fine 'up there' ". I love you. Always have, always will.

-your 16th May girl-