07 March 2010

It's Over, you're a dick.

Dear Almost Lovely,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. Maybe part of the problem is that you drink so much. You can't actually call gin-flakes or beerios breakfast. Why do you have to be so messy? How hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? Here's some food for thought: you're a dick! It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. I don't know how to break it to you, but I found someone else to replace you. You know what they say: out with the old, in with the new! 

Some people get very little money out of their job. Some people get dumped. Joy of joys, you get both. Why do you spend so little money on me? Buying me a happy meal at McDonald's does not count as taking me out to dinner. If you ever get engaged, just remember that an onion ring is not a valid replacement for a wedding ring. Sometimes you need to take things a bit slower, and just have fun. Unfortunately, this relationship is becoming too serious for my tastes. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance! 

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Enjoy yourself!
Always Lovely


Hehe. Norak ya saya. Pagi-pagi udah bikin break-up letter, nggak tau untuk siapa. Lha wong pacar aja nggak belom ada, mau gaya-gayaan mutusin orang :p

Saya lagi 'menjelajah' blog ini dan menemukan postingan ini then leads me to this site. Saya nyengir lebar pagi-pagi ngeliat peluang iseng sambil nunggu mood buat mandi, saya bikin break-up letter yang paling 'kejam' menurut saya dan option dari website itu. Kenapa saya bilang gitu? Karena i never imagine to write a letter to dump someone because he's not good in bed and he spends too little money on me. I can't even imagine that i will 'throw' someone away to the roadside from my room then ask him impatiently to give back my key, because he's grammatically sucks at writing, and such a plain stupid. And also, i will NEVER kick a man's butt out of my life because he only gets me a McDonald's happy meal. That's a way too far from my mind.

And here i am, with another side of 'me', dumping 'someone' with 'imaginary letter' and a random mind.
Enjoy the letter, readers. i'd like to see yours, too. Just send me an e-mail and show me how great you are in dumping someone :p
Hopefully u'll have a good Sunday, people! :D