17 March 2014


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4 days ago, was the world's kidney day.
And I, as you all know, have very sensitive hearing sense for the word "Kidney".
Because I lost 2 men that I love so much who are suffering one common disease:
Kidney Failure.
And those men, are my grandfather and boyfriend.

Two different persons, one heart broken: Mine.

I lost my grandfather back on 2006. He suffered Kidney Failure for a year and few months, before he passed away.
I lost my boyfriend a year later on 2007. He also suffered Kidney Failure, but unfortunately only able to fight and struggle for less than a year.

They are very precious to me. They taught me how to be a lady. They showered me with love and joy everytime I have them around me. They mean so much to me. But then, they had to go to a more peaceful world. No more pain, no more anger, no more anxiety. Yes I know how hard it is to be there, standing by next to your loved ones, seeing them looking helpless, with hoses and needles "applied" and connected to haemodialysis machines FOR SIX HOURS. There's no more torturing than that, no?

Nobody wants to be sick. Nobody wants to have less than 3 glasses of water PER DAY. Nobody wants to be "connected" to a blood-washing-machine twice a week even more, nobody wants to suffer. Nobody. 

I learned so much from them. I learned that I can't mess with my body. It's true that we have to live our lives to the fullest, but if something happens to us, are we still enjoying our live? NO. We can't block the possibility from diseases and sickness, but we can, optimistically preventing it by live healthily. I know I don't live my life THAT healthy. I still smoke, but at least I have my consciousness to not do more than that. I know, lame. I know, blah. I know, I clearly understand what's on your mind and I respect it. But I do hope that you'll get the consciousness too. For the sake of our loved ones, for the sake of ourselves.

My heart goes to those who are there for kidney disease's sufferers. For the hard time, the struggle, emotional explosions, and so on.. However hard the fight you're in now, please remember that nothing's more precious than letting people you love know that you love them by always being here and there to take care of them. Smile to them, hold their hands, show them that there's still hope. Yes. Hope. That's the only thing they need as they start to pretend they don't. I believe that there's no such thing as vanity. Everything is meant to be happened, including what you're doing now.

I dedicate this post for my beloved Eyang Apung and Jendud, who had let me experiencing amazing moments with them. Thank you for the lesson, hope, and everything. You know "love" is an uncountable thing that I will always give to you both..